Even at 80, romantic and sexual desires remain very real. Asexual or post-sexual seniors? Not really. Although the topic may make some families, caregivers, and seniors blush, we investigate certain taboos and aim to challenge any prejudices associates with this topic.
Despite what popular beliefs may convey, sexuality remains a very important subject among seniors. Despite differences in expression over time, the elderly still have a need for affection, which can manifest in various sexual practices. The Catholic heritage in Quebec, which began to crumble around the Quiet Revolution of the 1960s, is still present in the mores of people born before this period and influences our relationship to sexuality.
The Benefits of Sexual Activity at Any Age
Did you know that sexual relations allow the brain to produce hormones called endorphins which have the property of soothing pain and reducing stress? If you answered "no", you are not alone. Apart from pleasure, having a healthy and active sex life provides several benefits. Let's take a closer look at some of the impacts of sexuality on physical and mental health.
For men, the secretion of testosterone and growth hormones has a direct influence on bones and muscles, helping to strengthen them. Several studies have shown that in women, engaging in sexual activity regularly can help strengthen the pelvic floor and improve the ability to control the bladder function. Even more surprisingly, engaging in sexual activity three times a week can prevent the development of wrinkles and slow down the aging process. Incredible, isn't it?
Social Image of Sexuality Among Seniors
Over time, there has been a great evolution in the perception of sexuality among seniors. The sexuality of the elderly being rejected in antiquity, it is now accepted in society, even if it is more often associated with the youth. Society in 2024 appears to be more tolerant compared to previous years. Some factors that may influence this new social gaze are that seniors evolve and age in better conditions than before and also that sexuality, as a whole, is becoming less and less taboo.
Many seniors view sexuality as a right that they have earned and are not concerned about the opinions or judgments of younger generations regarding their sexual practices. However, their descendants often have a negative perspective on their expression of sexuality and the presence of their sexual desire. It is often at mature age that some experience a kind of late emancipation and allow themselves to fully explore their sexuality.
Changes Related to Aging
Sexual appetite and physical response to stimulation often evolve through the different stages of life. Elements such as medication, physical health, cultural or religious beliefs and disabilities can have a significant impact on the ability to have a sexual relationship and especially the pleasure one experiences in it. Understanding where these changes come from is the first step towards maintaining an active sex life. Here are some normal changes with aging:
- It may take longer or be more difficult to reach the stage of sexual arousal ;
- It is possible to notice a decrease in energy or physical endurance ;
- Compared to the past, it can be challenging to attain the same level of sexual satisfaction ;
- Certain hormonal changes that take place during menopause can cause discomfort, dryness in sex and thus lead to vaginal pain during intercourse.
Do not panic ! It is important to note that these changes are completely normal. If you have noticed one or more of these changes, talk to your healthcare professional. Often, solutions are possible to allow you to enjoy a hot sex life again.
Menopause and Andropause
About 40% to 80% of women suffer from sexual dysfunction and 60% of men have erectile dysfunction by the age of 60. For those who maintain an active sexuality after the age of 70, 46% are men and 16% women. Despite everything, don't give up, health professionals can help you find alternatives and allow you to get cozy!
For women, the libido gradually decreases from premenopause, a phenomenon that occurs two to eight years before the end of menstruation. Menopause marks the end of estrogen and progesterone hormone production in women, typically occurring around the average age of 51.4 years. This stage of a woman's life has an impact on sexual appetite and the body's response to physical stimulation.
Unlike menopause, for men, andropause, which consists of a drop in male sex hormones, is a much more variable phenomenon over time. Sometimes it comes earlier, in your 50s, and sometimes it just never happens. To put it another way, don't be misled into thinking that every man will experience this stage in a systematic manner. A 75-year-old man might very well be able to achieve a natural erection.
It is certain that in general, sexuality decreases with age. Hard time getting or maintaining an erection, or pain related to intimate relationships are some of the reasons. On the other hand, menopause and andropause do not mark the end of your sex life, but simply the beginning of a new stage.
Loss of Autonomy or Disability, Sexuality Remains Possible
With age, it can be difficult for seniors with a loss of autonomy or living with a disability to maintain an active sexual and emotional life. However, it is important not to give up and to find ways to express your needs for closeness. For seniors experiencing a loss of autonomy, there are several options available to enable them to lead a satisfying and fulfilling sexual life, adapted to their abilities. Techniques such as masturbation, touching, and erotic games can help sustain a lively sexuality.
If you or your partner are in a wheelchair, it may be helpful to explore suitable sexual positions and use pillows, for example, for extra comfort. Communication and experimentation with the partner can help discover the erogenous zones and the most stimulating activities.
For people who are hard of hearing, sensual games and activities can strengthen intimate relationships. Caresses, massages and gentle physical contact can also help maintain bodily bonding.
People with visual impairments can utilize sex toys and accessories to discover new sensations.. Touching, cuddling, and physical closeness can also be used to boost libido.
It is important to discuss these topics with your partner and to consult a doctor or counselor if necessary. Ultimately, an active sex life is possible for everyone, young and old, with physical limitations or in great shape!
Intimate Life as a Caregiver: Challenges and Solutions
New caregiver? It is certain that this responsibility comes with its share of challenges. Although the moments of tenderness can be more difficult to plan, sexuality remains an excellent way to clear your mind, relax and enjoy the present moment with your loved one.
In terms of their sex life, caregivers can encounter several pitfalls such as fatigue, stress, lack of time and intimacy, the impact on their own physical and mental health, as well as changes in their relationship with their partner. It is important to discuss this topic because caregivers can face unique realities through their sexuality. Daily tasks such as caring for the person being cared for can take up a lot of time and energy, leaving little room for intimate activities. On the other hand, with a combination of support and imagination, overcoming the challenges is possible.
Caregivers may find it helpful to schedule time for themselves and their intimate life. Planning allows for more predictability and helps alleviate the sense of guilt that often accompanies taking time for yourself and your well-being. If the person being helped is not your partner, a good idea would be to plan alternatives to temporarily relieve yourself of this responsibility so that you can recharge your batteries and take care of yourself. Let’s not forget that well-being also goes through a healthy sex life. It's also important to remember that sexuality can change as we get older, and to not be afraid to try new things to find what works for you. Ultimately, it's important not to let the challenges of the caregiver reality take over intimate life and find ways to keep it exciting and thriving.
Maintaining a Good Sexual Health Through Aging
Several factors such as changes in your body, your physical response to your partner's touch, or worries about physical health can cause significant anxiety before sexual activity. You may even avoid sex altogether. Don't throw in the towel, several actions are possible to allow you to maintain good sexual health through aging.
A good place to start might be to talk to your doctor about your concerns. Many people hesitate or feel embarrassed to consult professionals about their sex life. Know that they are here to support you and can often help you improve your sexual health.
In sex, communication is key. Talk to your partner, expose your fears, your apprehensions and your limitations. You'd be surprised to realize that your partner has their own concerns as well. Being two in this process can make the experience much less anxiety-provoking.
After the discussions, we take action! Experiment. You or your partner probably have things you like more and others less. Take the time to try and adapt to each other. Sexuality ends where your creativity ends. There are a thousand and one ways to get off on sex.Take a deep breath and allow yourself to be inspired.
Take care of your health. Sexuality is intimately linked to physical and mental health. A good way to stay in shape and prevent illness is to do physical activities that are within your abilities. A good diet and regular visits to the doctor are also good practices to promote healthy aging. Limit the risks as much as possible during your sexual intercorse. Contrary to popular belief, seniors remain at risk of contracting sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STBBIs). A good thing is to talk with your partner about your sexual past and theirs. If necessary, use screening tests. The condom is still a good option when it comes to protection. Protecting yourself is synonymous with greater sexual freedom. Enjoy it!
Expressing Your Sexuality in a Retirement Home
It can be a challenge to fully enjoy one's sexuality in a shared living environment. Privacy, control over the environment and adequate personal space are often challenges that need to be addressed.
Fortunately, there are several Fortunately, there are private residences for seniorsthat offer private residences for couples who want to live together while maintaining their privacy. Would you like to explore your options at this level? Good news, our senior housing specialists are available to help you find the living environment that meets your personal and romantic needs. The Bonjour Résidences team provides its services free of charge to assist you in your efforts.
contact us at 1 844 918-1020 for more information and to speak to a member of our team.